Only a mothe r could love this liver
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
