I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
