i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
