DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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