some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
