i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
