Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just high enough for therapy.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
