after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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