I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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