Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
My vagina just recognized that song.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
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