I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Houston, we have a squirter
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
