Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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