apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
