I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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