but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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