But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
