So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
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