dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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