The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
