I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
