The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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