i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
How external is "for external use only"?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I have tasted many bathrooms
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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