He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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