Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
