that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
