I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
