You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
