It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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