Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
