Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
