How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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