A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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