her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
