In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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