I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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