Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
