I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
