An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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