Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
