Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
