i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
