i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
