I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
