You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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