Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
