Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
