If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i think i have two assholes
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
