Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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