It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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