I look better un-naked...
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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