what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
