i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
